Memories of You
by Nicola
Summary: Buffy's POV of events after my story 'When Angel's Fall'. Suggest you go read that first.


Memories of You  
By Nicola  
  
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Disclaimer: I actually own naff all in this, so don't sue me.  
Rating: PG  
Spoilers: IWRY, 'When Angel's Fall', the Faith eps   
Season: 4  
Started: Aug 17th '01  
Completed: Aug 19th '01  
Teaser: Buffy's POV of events after my story 'When Angel's Fall'. Suggest you go read that first.  
Notes: None, for once.  
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I have dreams, y'know. Every night, when I close my eyes, he comes and haunts me with all those old memories of days that never happened. If I've had a good day, the dreams are good; we're in his bed together, feeding each other chocolate and peanut better. If I've had a bad day, we'll be in the warehouse and I'll be cradling his dead body in my lap, my soul screaming out for the lack of a partner. I try to have as many good days as possible.  
  
After I came back from LA I immediately halted any flirting with Riley, and I completely forgot about Parker. What was the point in moping over him when I had to turn back time to keep Angel alive? No point at all. And I couldn't even begin to think about Riley when my heart was still completely overwhelmed by Angel. I made sure Willow understood I wasn't interested; I know she cares, but I don't need nor want a boyfriend right now. Dating does not interest me.  
  
When Faith woke up, it wasn't so bad. I tried to reach her, and instead she tied up my mom. That angered me, but it was okay. She stole my body and made me look like a whore, but she was hurting and angry with her crappy hand of cards, so I let it go.   
  
When I heard she went to LA, my heart froze with fear. Would she go after Angel? I immediately went to go see. Cordelia wasn't there, and neither was Doyle. I made a mental note to ask Angel about them when I saw him. I walked down the stairs, and there he was, hugging Faith on the sofa. For a split second I felt inexplicable jealousy and rage course through my body, making me burn. How dare she touch my man? How dare he betray me? But then his scent hit me, and suddenly I had all these flashes of the day that wasn't, and I remembered he wasn't my man anymore, so he couldn't betray me. And if he had finally reached her, then that was good. She may have hurt me, but everyone deserves to have a chance to make amends. I tried to prove that very point to everyone with Angel, didn't I? So I gave him a watery smile and went upstairs.   
  
He followed me soon after, an adorable questioning look on his face. He asked why I'd come, why I hadn't raged at finding him in such an intimate position with Faith. I simply told him that I'd grown up and realised she needed a friend. Wesley chose that moment to come in, declaring that the council were going to hunt down Faith. Angel and I moved swiftly into action, thinking alike as if we'd never been a part. I took Faith up to the roof, and she was so shocked that I actually forgave her for tying up my mom and stealing my body. Then some of the Council's men attacked and I fought them off. Faith was having a hard enough time fighting her guilt, never mind attacking anything physical. Then the police helicopter flew above, and dread filled my soul. They had guns, and they were too high up for me to jump. But like his namesake Angel leaped through the glass and onto the helicopter, ordering him to land. I looked about for Faith, but she was gone. I wasn't angry at her for going, she was probably scared out of her mind.   
  
I followed the coppers to the police station where some blonde woman I do NOT want to know threatened him with sunrise. I wanted to shove a stake right through her heart at that moment. I argued Angel's decision to stand up for Faith, naturally, because it was going to kill him. I was about to say that I did it all when he pointed to a brunette girl slouched in a chair by the detective's desk. She stood up, big shadows under her eyes, and she said,   
  
"I have a confession to make." My heart immediately went out to her, and I made a promise to keep in touch with her. Angel was released, and Faith was arrested. We stood outside, waiting for Wesley to arrive with Angel's car. I don't know why I didn't just leave there and then, but I wanted to stay with him for as long as possible. I know I was saying something stupid, probably about college or the last big evil I fought, but then he put his fingers to my lips and I immediately shut up. He looked down at me with those tortured brown eyes, and I could have fallen in them forever. But I forced myself to look away, or my gaze would have wandered from his eyes down his long nose to that wonderful mouth that I so badly wanted to kiss.  
  
"Where's Doyle and Cordelia?" I asked him, and I immediately regretted the pain that washed over his face. Cordelia had gone on paid leave when he brought Faith home - typical her, I thought - and Doyle had died not a week after my first visit. I didn't realise I was crying until he wiped away my tears. Why was I crying, he asked, I didn't know Doyle. I didn't answer him. I remembered Doyle, the way he comforted me and offered me hope in my time of despair. I liked him.  
  
With a hitched sigh I decided it was time for me to step out of Angel's life again. I wish I could just wedge myself back in - his words - and be part of his whole self again, but I don't think that'll ever be possible. I forced myself to leave the comfort of his embrace that I'd found myself in, forced myself out of his strong arms and away from his hard chest. I made myself move to the stairs, concentrating on each step. But I couldn't stop myself from giving him one last dazzling smile, just to bless him on his journey, before I left for my own. Back to Sunnydale. Something tells me I will never get out of there again. Everything goes back to Sunnydale.  
  
Everyone asked me what was up when I got back. Even Riley - yes, he somehow managed to assert himself into my group of friends - asked why I was so quiet. He guessed it was something to do with the mysterious 'friend in LA'. I dutifully reported the facts: Angel was alive, Faith was good again and in prison. But beyond that, I kept my mouth shut. I had been gifted once again with Angel's hug, an embrace like no other. If I talked about it, it might have turned out not to be real, and I couldn't bare that on top of the missing day. After a while they just let it go, and I was so grateful.  
  
Now? Now I'm living one day at a time. I've been blessed with a sister: Dawn. She's not really my sister, even though I have all these memories of her. But ironically, it's the memories that aren't supposed to be here that tell me she's not real.   
  
I remember every emotion and thought during the day that wasn't, and I don't remember having any recollection of Dawn at that time. I knew that Willow and Xander were in Sunnydale, and Giles was sitting in his house with a cup of tea and a good book, and mom was working the art gallery, but there was nothing relating to Dawn.   
  
It doesn't hurt as much as I thought it should; I mean, she's still my little sister to everyone else - including herself - and beyond that she's still an innocent girl who needs my protection, and I shall protect her until the end. I just wish... No, no wishing. Wishes don't come true; I mean, have you ever heard of a demon that grants wishes?  
  
So, on to another day! Another day where I live my life as well as I possibly can, fight the bad guys, write Faith a letter, and still manage to go dancing at a frat party! It's all good!  
  
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End  



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